Fear of Commitment?

I have taken a wrong turn,
when will I learn?
when will I learn?

Like an angry apple tree,
I throw my apples,
if you get too close to me.

But if I look to my right,
Will I see the one I fight for?
Or if I look to my left,
Will I see that I have kept my heart
       locked up, locked up so tight?

--"Locked Up", Ingrid Michaelson


I recently was accused of fearing commitment. I want to analyze that idea.

Am I afraid of commitment? I think I am. When the Army wanted me, I said "No thanks. Eight years is a looong time."

When I went on my mission, I thought "Woah. Two years is a long time."

When I fell in love the first time, I got scared and panicked. I called it off, and then tried like mad to fix it. No dice.

When I fell in better love, I didn't feel good about it and called it off. Now I try like mad to fix it. The dice are still rolling.

I think I fear commitment because I worry that it ties me down and limits my choices. However, as I write this, I am reminded of a blessing I received which stated that marriage would not limit me doing things I wanted to, but would actually aid and contribute to them.

At what point do I say 'I face my fears, I toss excuses on the rubbish heap, I grab her hand and jump?'

Now.