No More Breakdown

21st Century Breakdown

I once was lost but never was found

I think I'm losing what's left of my mind

to the 20th Century deadline

                                -Green Day

I'm gonna burn it all down

I'm gonna rip it out

I'm gonna drink, fight, fuck, and 

I'm pushing my luck all the time now

                               -Green Day

Fever summer, it's a haze

My mind went its--no, their--own ways

It's a hot, humid, sticky dream away

But fever summer never goes

                              -N.S.E.

My spring of 2009 wouldn't be complete without Green Day's stellar rock opera 21st Century Breakdown. I was fresh off my LDS mission and pissed off at the world. I wanted a knock-down, drag-out fight. I don't really remember a lot of the specifics of January 'til July of that year. It was a feverish, hazey dream. I spent a lot of time with my girl Lacey, and my rag-tag stalwart friends from high school. I went down new alleys. We were the remnant of the Katy kids: Lauren Riggs, Lance Skopik and the band, Kendra Davis, et al.

The opera opens with an eponymous track, the words of which said everything I felt that year. I'd been told I wasn't good enough, sane enough, righteous enough, marriageable enough, and I'd had it. That album--a story of anger and frustration and sadness--was the perfect audio backdrop for a 21-year old kid with problems. Christian's Inferno got blared a lot--"I got the rejection letter in the mail, but it was already ripped to shreds." If you rode in my car in 2009, you heard this song and me singing along, spite on my tongue. 

Since then, the album occupied a place of importance in Eirey (my trusty Civic) and it could be heard booming out of my car regularly. East Jesus Nowhere's intro kicked off a number of Katy cruises. Whenever my inner Tre Cool started beating, 21st Century made an appearance. 

Until suddenly, this summer. I scrolled through to 21st Century and realized, as Billie Joe's guitar crunched out the opening chords and he belted "I'm not (bad word)ing aroooound!" that I suddenly didn't feel like that anymore. I was actually...happy. 

I wasn't a number of things: I wasn't angry. I wasn't sad. I wasn't frustrated. I felt accomplished. I liked waking up in the morning. I had conquered college. I had persevered through tough times. I had thrown away my crutches and was dancing again. I had friends and a supportive family. I was excited for what came next, but the present was actually pretty cool. 

I deleted the entire album off my iPod and haven't listened to it since. It's not bad, it's just not me. The soundtrack no longer matches the action onstage. 

If you met me between January 2009 and August of 2014, you didn't meet Nate at his best. I'd love to make your acquaintance now. 

My new soundtrack is this. Skip to 00:59, sit back, close your eyes, breathe deep, and join me in blissful contentment.